Tag Archives: adhd

Being different is okay

 

I have a very highly developed sense of denial.

Gwyneth Paltrow

I thought about this quote today while I paid my phone/internet bill. I forgot to pay it, so it was late. (I had service still, so it wasn’t that late. Yay for that!) I thought about the fact that I am wired differently. I’ve tried fighting it. I’ve tried denying it.

 I’ve tried denying my anxiety also. I’ve tried denying the reasons why.

 “It’ll all go away if I just exercise more,” I’ve thought to myself on occasion.

 “If I change my diet, the anxiety will stop,” has also entered my brain more than once.

 “If I just force myself to do it, it’ll get done,” is on my mind daily.

  My mother’s side of the family is filled with anxiety-ridden souls. My sister and I have inherited this unfortunate trait, along with the ADHD from our father’s side of the family.  It’s amazing that I’m not having a panic attack a minute due to my genetics.

 I’ve tried fighting being on antidepressants, which also helps with anxiety. I did fine last year without it, but this year, I feel it’s needed. Yes, some of this is life, as I told the psychiatrist. Life is stressful and almost unmanageable for me right now though. And guess what? I feel better after a few days on it.

 I fought it because I thought it would help me get a better insurance policy. I’ve been denied for an individual policy before due to being on antidepressants and wanted to apply for another one due to how expensive my current one is.

 Ain’t gonna happen right now due to some health issues I’m having.

 Fighting, in some sense of the word, equals denial to me. Denying ADHD. Denying anxiety and the depression it causes. When comes the time to stop denying it all?

 Now?

 Yes. Now.

 I have to find new systems of doing things to not feel so overwhelmed. I have to find new ways to be a fully functional person again-one that accepts my different wiring.

 The typical way of doing things just doesn’t work for me. What is typical anyway?

 Does anyone really know?

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Exercise

  

 

 No matter what the doctor says at my next appointment, I know I need to develop one dreaded habit-exercise.

 BOOOO!!!!

 I got to thinking about that as I read a good book about managing bipolar disorder (A friend’s wife is Bipolar 1 and loaned me her 2 books after telling her my thoughts.). They of course discussed the importance of medication but also touched upon diet changes, behavior changes and also taking up exercise.

 I hate exercise. 😦

 I hate it, but I got to thinking about how important it is as I saw a neighbor jog by me this morning. Could there be some point to all that talk about exercise actually helping us? Yeah, sadly enough, I think so.

 I admired my neighbor’s tenacity to jog, but also saw that it does help him. I personally think he’s ADHD, but keeps it relatively under control partially because he exercises consistently.  I also had an ex who I can almost guarantee was ADHD and biked almost 70 miles each weekend. I know that helped him, along with an incredibly persistent attitude.

 I also remembered my bitchy ex-coworker who was diagnosed as bipolar while she and her husband were going through marriage counseling. She was good at her job, but hated by almost all of us because she was the temper tantrum queen. I’ve got to hand it to her though, she took charge and did what she needed to do after the diagnosis. She took her medication, but was also anal about exercising. (Let me add in that she didn’t gain weight on meds, probably because she exercised so much.) Needless to say, she is doing well-and is still married. They also have a child. She has also realized her stress limits and has taken a job that’s a step below where she was when I worked with her.  And yes, she still exercises consistently.

 So…. What’s the moral to the story? Yeah, I know….

 Whether ADHD or bipolar, I need to get an exercise plan going. These people are truly examples of success in many different forms, but mainly because they take care of their physical selves.

 They don’t pound down the foods with white flour in them. They keep a positive attitude. They are persistent in a lot of different areas-including exercise.

 And so, the exercise plan begins.

  I’m worth it.

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That good ol’ overwhelmed feeling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I felt like this today. I’ve been thinking of a lot lately and it just all led to a moment of overwhelm. OhdearLord, overwhelm central.

 I’m getting nervous about my job situation, even though I’m working freelance jobs. I’m getting nervous about my money situation. I needed to tell my parents no today about something.

  My poor elderly father talked for a few hours straight. I mean it was a few hours. I also thought about a family member who’s going to visit who I honestly don’t want to see. I had to say no, I won’t be there when she comes. Then a sweet friend of mine who just got out of the hospital called and also did not stop talking for a half an hour. I didn’t want to hear another voice today after that.

 I could feel my shoulders tensing up after I got off the phone with my friend. I had to stop. I had to take a breather and just chill.

 And so, here I sit. I’m doing my work late at night due to having to take a breather and chill out. Why is it that I got so overwhelmed about these things? I mean, I truly did not want to hear another voice after both of them got done talking.

 The sad thing is that it’s a natural part of life. Parents get older. Parents also generally like to talk to their children. Friends have issues. Friends talk.

 They talked a lot today though! And I had enough.

 I’d love to know what others do to handle overwhelming days. How can I and others learn how to cope better when they come?

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Oh good, I’m not a TOTAL nutball….

 

I got to thinking recently about stressful situations and how they impact my ADHD. I mean, of course they don’t help anyone, but is it ten times worse for us ADHD’ers?

 It helped to read this, which showed that the best thing we can do for ourselves is stay out of a stressful situation. Hooo yeah. I’m living proof of that one!

 I mean, I know it’s not always possible to avoid a stressful situation. Heck, I’ve got elderly parents and they can be difficult at times. I know though that I can’t avoid them. There’s also another family situation that I won’t get into that probably won’t end well. I’ve stepped back from that in a way, but I can’t leave it completely.

 I can make choices though to handle these situations differently. How, you ask? Read below.

 What the heck can you do though to manage stressful situations before they spiral out of control? Here are some ideas I’m going to try:

  • Learn to trust my instinct: Yesterday’s post showed me something. Even though the proprietor of this blog is a wonderful person, I had a feeling the first time I read it that I should just stay away. Did I trust my instinct? Nope. If you get the feeling that a situation is bad, walk away.
  • Take your medication! I think that’s the most important, yet difficult thing an ADHD’er can do. I know that I personally have fallen off the bandwagon, thinking I can do it myself. Sadly enough though, I need the help.
  • Set boundaries: I know the boundary I discussed in my last post is extreme, but I felt it was needed in order to protect me and my impulsivity. Are there other boundaries you need to set in order to manage a stressful situation?
  • Admit you’re human: We ADHD’ers are human. We are awesomely smart, yet we mess up at times. That’s okay. Move on. Another day is coming. It will be all right.

 I’d love to know what other ADHD’ers do to take charge and take control of a stressful situation.

  Comment away, please.

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No more, no more, no more!

 We ADHD’ers can get caught up in some serious stuff without even knowing it. I have many times before and almost did again last night. That is, before I caught myself and set a boundary-a permanent one.

 As a freelance reporter, I’ve got to be all objective n’ such. What fun is that? There’s a local political blog that is doing fantastic work, but it’s also a great time waster for me-and a possible embarrasser if I were to comment on there. This blog is incredibly creative, yet is also insulting as hell at the same time. Oh yeah, and did I mention the objectivity thing? I shouldn’t comment, should I?

 I did comment on there before getting the freelance job at the major paper in my area. I was tempted to do so again last night because I was disgusted. A blog commentor insulted someone’s Asian wife by calling her a mail order bride. He of course fought back and no one denounced the racial insult towards this man-including the blog proprietors. I wanted to leave a comment so. badly.

 I have friends who are Hispanic. I have friends who are African American. If you were to call one of my friends a “wetback” or a “nigger,” I’d be livid. Hell, I was livid last night. I wanted to leave a polite, yet stern comment denouncing this behavior. I knew I shouldn’t though, so I think I did something better.

 I was able to block the Web site so that I can’t comment or even look at the site again. I don’t want to even be tempted to go there again. I don’t want to know. I don’t care to know.

 Ignorance=bliss so that I don’t make an ass out of myself.

 I know that if I had commented, I would have been livid. I would have probably also said something that I would have regretted. I’ve done that enough in my life. I’m sick of the impulsivity of this disease. I think I conquered it slightly last night though. Yay.

 So I stopped myself from making an ass out of myself. I’d love to know what fellow ADHD’ers do to control their impulsivity also.

 Do you all need to set such tight boundaries as I did? Let me know.

 

 

 

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Da plan…

 So it has now been 3 weeks since I did the stupidest thing imaginable and quit my job.

 The psychiatrist told that once I felt better to start making a plan on how to move forward. I’ve not come up with a solid plan, but have come up with a few things that I know I need to do in order to move forward:

  • I need to keep freelance writing to have my name out there. I freelance for 1 site and will do some work for another one again. I need to keep on doing that to not have gaps in my resume.
  • I would love to learn more about public relations and in some way, get a job utilizing those skills, plus the journalism skills I already have. I just started following a PR wire service blog that is really fascinating to me. I enjoy reading it because I feel as if I’m learning something every time I have the chance to read it.  The funny thing is, I thought that I should emphasize in PR when I was in college and moved to journalism instead. Why did I change? Lack of self-esteem probably due to my ADHD. Sad, but true.
  • I’ve noticed while scanning job ads that it’s awesome to have PR and journalism skills, but without knowing Web design skills, good luck getting hired. I need to learn Web design. A friend of mine who runs a Web design business told me what books to buy to teach myself.
  • I realize that I probably can succeed the best running my own business. A psychiatrist told me once that we ADHD’ers are better off in business for ourselves-and I think he was probably right. I had an idea ages ago about a business idea that I personally believe could work. I need to think about it and figure it out though.  
  • And finally, I need to lose weight. I know you’re probably thinking “???,” but it does apply. I don’t even want to tell you how much weight I’ve gained since I stopped the Desoxyn cold turkey. (Dumb, dumb me! And why didn’t the doctor tell me it’s also prescribed as an appetite suppressant?) Society is cruel though, and I know it will stop me from achieving my career goals if I don’t take this weight off.

 I know it’s not a solid plan yet. (Or is it?) I think it’s good that I’m at least thinking about the right direction to go in, whereas off the medication, I may have a thought here and there.

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