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saying stupid stuff is now on overdrive :(


 Boo to the blabbing monster going into overdrive. Boooo!!!

 I went into a talking overdrive recently due to all the family stress and unnecessary feeding of the ADHD by associating with people who are also affected with this funness, and guess who spoke with me today? Yep, the boss.

 Insert sad face. 😦

 I’m a freelance writer doing work in the office of a newspaper in my area and know this is excellent for my resume. Talking myself out of a good experience isn’t though. When will my stupidity ever end?

 What happened was that he sat down at my desk one day and simply said out of the blue that anything that gets said in the newsroom doesn’t leave it, understand? He sensed that I was a talker and just wanted to tell me this now. In the beginning.


 I know that the excessive talking monster reared its ugly head due to stress. I know it. However, stress is a fact of life. People are a fact of life. Neither can unfortunately be avoided. I think the question I should ask myself  instead is how do I conquer it?

 I’ve read various Web sites on the matter and think this is good-when medicated. This is helpful, to a point. I like saying “give me a moment to think about that,” which also ties in to the first article. Don’t be too quick to add in information is just too general for us ADDers though. I guess it ties in to saying give me a moment though.

 I guess I can look on the bright side of it though. I realized that stress contributes a big part into helping the blabbing monster rear its ugly head. I also realized that certain people feed into my ADHD and severed ties with that person. I guess medication does indeed help, in some ways?



 And the light finally came on.

 I’ve mentioned my sister in previous posts. I’ve mentioned her cruel behavior towards me, I’ve mentioned the family ignorance, the pain I’ve felt due to the cruelty of her behavior towards me-and the family laughing right along with her and not accepting that this person seriously needs some help.

 They finally accepted it.

 She’s having visual hallucinations of rats and fleas and beehives now. I personally wonder what drugs she took to get them. Someone told me that coming off speed can produce that My dad knew it was a tale and I did also, but not my mother. She believed her! She said to me the other day that she and my dad were going to visit her this weekend to find her a new place to live to escape the rats. She wanted me to come along, but I said no way. The denial from my mother at that moment was disgusting. I said the words gigantic fucking problem to my dad when we left to go to lunch, and he nodded his head. He knew. Not Mom though.

 Until now.

 Reality hit her in the head last night like a brick. My sister called her and screamed. My mom called my sister’s next door neighbor twice yesterday; the first time the neighbor was coy with my mom and said she is just so stressed. (the eye roll is coming RIGHT. NOW…..) Honesty came out during the second conversation. I guess she has even mentioned rat sightings to the neighbor my mom spoke to. Another neighbor said my sister is also hallucinating about beehives. She has exhibited some other behavior in front of the woman my mom spoke to that makes her think she’s bipolar. I’ve always thought that myself. I’m thinking dual diagnosis.

 And I got angry over this a few nights ago. I was angry that no one listened to me until now about her. I’m angry that I’ve been ignored and that my sister has had this weird sense of power in the family-until now. I remember, for example, the time I was 12 and first smelled cigarette smoke in the house, which was odd for us. My Nana smoked herself to death, so I knew the smell of cigarettes. But what does my sister say? I am crazy and cigarettes, what cigarettes?  A normal person would have said uh huh, yeah, way to avoid, kiddo. I had been conditioned to think by that point that I must be wrong about something if someone challenges me, even if my instinct was right. It took me a long time to learn to trust my instinct. A long time.

 I’m angry for the unhealthy duo of my mom and her. The conversations my mom has had with me due to my sister putting her up to it are amazing and make me sick.  What kind of a sickness is that to not do what’s right for your child and stop mollycoddling insanity?! My mother and her relationship is insane.

 I’m also angry that my parents won’t take the necessary steps to do what every parent should-help their kid when necesssary. They are of a time where you didn’t visit the psychologist’s. You just didn’t. Still though, when you see your child suffering, don’t you want to take steps to help them no matter what? I personally think they are afraid to stand up and do what’s right. They are afraid of my sister saying she doesn’t love them or other bullshit. They are afraid to help their children. They always have been.

 I guess this goes back to my issues now. I was never as bad as my sister, but I knew I needed help. I was told I was a dramatist. I was told to snap out of it. To stop crying all the time. To just not be lazy. Did they see it and not know or did they just not want to see it at all? I’m fortunate that I was able to stand up and say I need help and get it myself. I guess it just saddens me that I see someone who desperately needs help, and they don’t want to hurt her witty bitty feelings because she might yell. God forbid that she yells!

 My sister won’t voluntarily accept help. I can see it now. There will have to be a 5150 hold. I don’t know if it will happen though. Will my parents reach past the denial?

 We’ll see.

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