Saying no is all right

 Ahhh, Easter Sunday is almost upon us.

  Colorful Easter eggs abound, as do bunnies, Easter baskets and brightly colored spring joy. It’s a happy time of year for me. I like the weather. I like the flowers all blooming. It’s pretty. It’s happy.

 Except when you’re dealing with a certain family member.

 (Disclaimer: I’m trying really hard here to not totally get all ADHD impulsive and vent my guts to the world on this blog. I do think it’s important though to be able to discuss boundaries and how it’s all right to set them in families. Therefore, I’ll read and re-read this blog to make sure this isn’t impulsivity central.)

 Said family member’s birthday is Tuesday, so there will be a celebration. I’m not going to it.

 It’s a long tale of how I got to this place-a place of being fed up. A place of saying “no” long enough and not being heard. A place of disgust. I’m done. I say have fun, but I don’t choose to see you until you learn to respect me and my boundaries.

 This family member is probably another ADHD’er. Facebook friends of mine have told me how it shocked them that she never seemed to care growing up because she never had rules. True. Very true.

 It’s amazing to see how this person has chided me for being in therapy and once told my mother that anti-depressants would make me crazy when I mentioned I was on them (that should have been a clue though that she may be bipolar-I heard they can make symptoms worse if you are). She’s on them now.


 I felt forced as a kid to tolerate her cruel behavior. I began to put my foot down as an adult though.  I could see that her behavior was something I couldn’t tolerate.

 I finally hit the point last year where I said no more. It was craziness and enough was enough.

 I was done. The sad thing is that it was a relief to be done with her. I had no desire to talk to her. None!

 I do have a sense of concern for her though and I said my peace last year. She chose to not accept my opinion, so there is nothing more I can do.

 So, I choose to not be involved in this love fest this April. My mother doesn’t get it. She keeps asking me whyyyy.

 I don’t want to hear her nastiness. I don’t want to deal with her. I don’t want to see her.

 I literally cringe every time I hear that she loves me. If that’s love, I don’t want it.

 She doesn’t know boundaries. She doesn’t understand the word no. I can choose to stay away from this-and will.

 It’s a lot of past hurt. A lot. I know it and have worked on this in the past. Maybe I need to work on it again?

 Probably. But until then, I choose to not see her.

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