Monthly Archives: February 2012

Moving right along….

 Well, I met with the proprietor of the Web site, and just as I suspected, we both need each other. She loved my ideas and I think I will like working with her. I can learn from her also, as she has a lot of experience in marketing and PR.

 The funny thing is that even though I studied journalism in college, I never wanted to do it long term. I knew the pay wasn’t great. I liked the area I lived in and didn’t really feel like moving, which is needed with this career. I probably also had a gut feeling years ago that it was a dying career.

 I enjoyed these past 6 months though. For the most part, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the variety of stories. I enjoyed being on the move and talking to people. I enjoyed doing what I actually majored in.

 My ADD was obvious in college. I first majored in Speech, because I wanted to be a speech writer. Then I thought Art History was cool. Then Poli Sci. I finally realized that great speech writers such as Peggy Noonan were journalists first, so I thought Comm would be a good major and settled on that, with a Poli Sci minor.

 Once I settled on my major, I realized that PR would be a good money making career choice. Good PR people though are reporters first. So… guess what I changed my emphasis to?

 And I had a sucky experience at my college internship at a local paper. I hated the second paper that I worked at. Never in my life did I think I’d be back here again 14 years later. Oh my Lord no!

 But I am. And I’m happy about it, because I feel as if I actually have a career direction.

 I don’t want to shift jobs constantly though. I actually want to be making a steady salary again.

 Here’s to making that happen!

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Forward march

 

 

Things sometimes work out for the best.

 I came to realize after starting Focalin that I should probably fire off an email to my former bosses apologizing for my behavior. Never in my life have I walked out of a job and fired off an email quitting so suddenly. Never. So, I fired it off and made it one sentence. I apologized for being unprofessional. End of story.

 My boss’s boss (the one with the daughter with ADD) was the only one who responded and was incredibly kind. In a nutshell, he told me I was being too kind and thanked me for sending the email. The final sentence said that I was not to worry about this ever again. Maybe I made the right decision after all?

 I was on Facebook a few days later and got a message from a “friend” who runs a local Web site that is really well done. She has asked me to write for them before, but I couldn’t due to freelancing for the paper. Well, one of her writers has a medical problem and can’t continue writing now. Would I know of anyone who would be interested in writing for her?

 Hmmmm…. I don’t know???  

 In a nutshell, I’m going to meet with her tomorrow and discuss ways that I can help this new Web site on the editorial side while I look for a job. This won’t pay much, but I think will be good for my resume.

 So, I’ll meet with her tomorrow and see if I can work with her. And I’ll go from there.

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We find each other-and we date!

 

So I recently went out a few times with someone I knew was a fellow ADD’er and wanted to laugh. I mean, LAUGH! I think when you have it, you can spot someone else with it a mile away, just as I did here.

  This guy’s a sweetheart, but I instantly got it the first time I met him. When you know, you just know. Y ‘know?

 We were going to meet for lunch at a Carl’s Jr. and arranged everything over email. You would have thought we lived in a small town by the way we emailed back and forth….

Me: “I have to do something else after we have lunch, so can we go to Carl’s Jr. or Panera Bread? It’s on the way to my next stop,” I said. (There’s both a Carl’s and Panera right by where I was thinking to go to lunch.)

Him: “Oh, Carl’s definitely. I like their spicy chicken sandwiches.” (LOL. I wonder if the blurt gremlin reared its head there? Like I care!)

Me: “Cool. Could we do 12?”

Him: “Sure.”

Me: “Cool. See ya then!”

Him: “See ya!”

 What’s missing here?

 When that Saturday came, I sent him a text as I waited at Carl’s.

 Me: “Sitting near the back.”

 Him: “I’m sitting near the back too. Where r u?”

We discovered as we called each other seconds later that we never told the other what Carl’s Jr. to meet the other at. Important much? There are a zillion in the county we live in. Gotta love us ADD’ers! I had to laugh at that.

 We went out to dinner shortly thereafter and knew this time to give each other exact directions. 😉 Were we on time though?

Text messages while on the way there:  

Him: “Running 16 minutes behind.”

Me: “That’s ok. I’m running 20 minutes behind!”

 You can’t be mad at someone who thinks like you!

 Even though this guy is wonderfully pleasant to be around, I would probably shoot him if I were dating him consistently-or married to him.

 Here’s to hoping for an organized man! 🙂

thoughts on lying

I’ve heard that we ADD’ers are excellent liars sometimes. I’m trying to figure out why that is.

 Disclaimer: I don’t want you to think I’m a big, friggin liar who is constantly telling falsities. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. I’m actually the most honest person around. Too honest sometimes.

  I lie when I feel pushed against a wall. I just can’t do that anymore. Telling my parents the truth today about my job nearly killed me, but I needed to do it. They got on me because I’ll be dirt poor again for a little while, but I guess that’s the price I’ll have to pay.

 I guess I’ve been through enough therapy, because I was thinking about why it is that I lie sometimes when in a panic. Why?

 I think that sometimes lying is a lie to self. I think of my sister when that comes to mind. She has smoked since high school and I had to laugh 4 years ago when I was in a craft fair in her neighborhood. She, my now ex-brother-in-law and I went out to dinner in her car and she goes to pull out her cigarettes.

 “Did you know I smoke?” she honestly asks me.

 “Ummmmmm, yes, you’ve smoked for what now, 20-plus years?” I said.

 I won’t get into why she thought I didn’t know. Let’s just say that I’ve always thought there was an ADD connection there .

  There are other times too where I’ve lied instead of facing my demons. Some of it was as a kid when I felt overwhelmed with school work. And the sad part was, I was enabled to avoid.

 As an adult though, the stupidity of some of this has come to light in my mind. And I’ve faced my demons. And it has turned out all right.

 More work with this is obviously needed.

 

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much better….

 The psychiatrist was right. He said give yourself 3 days, and I guarantee you’ll be feeling better about your job situation.

 I felt better after 1 day.

 I enjoyed my job. I truly enjoyed what I did. I feel that my passion came out, and the behavior I’d usually exhibit at work didn’t crop up here. At other jobs, I’d find ways to be fake sick for a day if I felt stressed or come in late due to an appointment that didn’t exist. I didn’t do this here. I started at a good time for me and was able to work good hours. I liked going in to the office. I also pretty much liked who I worked with also.

 I did feel drained these last few weeks though. I didn’t feel like cleaning my home, which was oh so sorely needed. I just did the bare minimum. I felt like taking a fake sick day, but didn’t. That’s different for me.

 Weirdly enough though, I think I made the right decision.  I was sick of a few things there that I should have stood up to but was too nice. Let’s just say that they didn’t advocate doing a thorough job nor even an ethical one. I should have said something sooner. I need to be better about politely stating my opinion. I think if I were better about that, I wouldn’t feel the need to lie. That’s just my opinion.

 So, I pick myself up and dust off my boots and move on. I proceed forward with a career that miraculously resurrected itself last year. Lessons have been learned, choices have been made, life has been lived.

 Forward march!

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I’m b-a-ack

 Hi all,

 I’ve been busy with work, but realize this outlet is something I sorely need. I majorly screwed up at work this past week, and I quit. Yes, I actually quit my job without having another one lined up. Sigh….

 What happened was this. I was supposed to go to a meeting for work and honestly, completely, one-thousand percent forgot. I can’t figure out why either. I spoke previously with the person at the meeting letting her know I’d be there (I’m a freelance writer and was covering this for a local newspaper. Yeah…), I wrote it on my calendar at home, I even made a note in Outlook to pop up to remind me. My boss even asked me the day before if I let these people know I was coming. I certainly did.

  And I still forgot to go!

 This was an early morning meeting, which I wasn’t thrilled about in the first place. I got to work at my usual time. My boss asks me how the meeting was (I don’t think she knew anything-at that point…) and I wanted to scream. My eyes bulged and I silently said a curse word. I looked nervous. I’m a terrible, terrible liar. I think she knew it.

 And I lied anyway. The meeting went great!

 I went on with my work, without doing this article because number one, I didn’t show up. Number two, I know the legal ramifications of writing things that didn’t really happen.

 My boss wanted at least some of it done by the end of the day, she said in the afternoon. I wanted You Tube to be my best friend right then. So, I wrote something and prayed to the gods above that there was a recording of this meeting so that I could rewrite it my next day in. Mind you, I didn’t send this off to editing, because, well, it didn’t happen. Also, I didn’t want my ass sued off.

 I thought about it the next day (my day off) and came clean. I felt horrible about it. I sent an email because the editor was on the phone. I apologized profusely. I didn’t want a story going forward that was a lie!

 Get the gist of the meeting, the editor said. I had to find out what happened and make it right. So, I did. I got the necessary information and rewrote the article. That did me in.

 The editor was off the next day, so yesterday, she admitted to me that what I did really concerned her and she was going to speak with her boss about me. They went into another room. I heard yelling. He said something, she yelled back. He replied, she yelled back. (Her boss has a daughter with ADD and even though I’ve never said a word about having ADD, I bet he caught on.) They finally leave the room and he says to her, “Do whatever the hell you want.”

 I’m panicking by then. I get in the room with them for the meeting they called and absolutely cry. They were concerned that I lied and wrote that first thing that was a lie.  My boss’s boss said to not be concerned about missing a meeting, because he has done the same thing. He understood. I’m sobbing by then. Sobbing. My boss says it’s okay, but that she wants me to do something else from now on that doesn’t include article writing. I had to let her know the next day.

 We leave the meeting with my red face. I’m embarrassed and walk out a little bit early. I was fully planning on doing what she wanted and would come back the next day and tell her so.

 I got to thinking about it though as I went on to do my other work. It reminded me of another time I was demoted. I spent way too long at that company and didn’t want to repeat the same mistake. I got angry, went home and sent an email resigning. I edited and re-edited that email to not sound bitter. I hope I succeeded.

 For the record, I don’t lie. I’m probably the most honest person you’ll ever meet. It felt good to sit at the psychiatrist’s yesterday and hear him say that he could tell by listening to my story that I was an honest person, even though it was only my second appointment with him.

 “Dishonest people don’t sob when they fess up to a mistake,” he said.

 I got to thinking about why I lied. It was panic. Also, I was on Ritalin and didn’t feel it helped AT ALL. So, I got switched to Focalin. I can’t do this again though. I can’t.  

 So kiddies, the moral of the story is this-DO NOT LIE. EVER.

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