My anxiety has been through the roof lately due to the family issues I’ve mentioned. It began to pique this past Saturday though when I had someone contact me for work that I didn’t feel was completely honest with me. I put a weird, anxiety-laced status on Facebook that night that was just stupid after hearing something else work related. I realized my stupidity the next day and deleted the status. And I hit the limit yesterday.
The person contacting me for work whom I didn’t feel was honest helped me to assume something yesterday that was way off base. I thought about the anixety after venting to a friend about this person, who let me know that, um, my sister and I were probably going to share the same room if I didn’t calm down soon. I thought about how embarrassing this conversation was and thought about my anxiety and realized that the work contact was contributing to it all. So, I put a stop to certain things.
This person had left me an email about something that day, so I replied and added that I would like to ask him to do something for me. I put boundaries on our communication. I had to know a few things if we were to continue working together. End of subject. If he was unwilling to honor my request, I would sever communication.
My request was honored. I feel more comfortable with him. I verified that indeed he had been telling the truth all along but was vague about other things due to reasons that I understand. I calmed down almost immediately.
So, I obviously need to discuss this with the psychiatrist at my next visit. I can’t continue to act like this for obvious reasons. The doctor had mentioned at my second visit that Desoxyn was the least anxiety-inducing ADD meds and put me on it specifically because of that. He had also mentioned that I may need Prozac but was hesitant to put me on it due to my weight problem and the possible weight gain side effect of the medication. I am losing weight but am still pretty big, which is why the doctor was hesitant to contribute to my weight problem in any way, shape or form. I respect him for that, but if I need it, I need it.
I have been told that exercise is a great anxiety reducer and is almost as effective as anti-anxiety medication. So, it looks like I need to begin a program pronto and see if that helps. Hope I can be consistent with a program now that I’m on ADD meds.
I’ll admit that I was on Abilify for awhile and when I told the doctor that, he simply said, “interesting” but made a note in case he needs to put me on it again. I told him that I felt like I had a clear brain while on Abilify. I literally felt that I had a clear brain when I started that medication. I wasn’t constantly thinking. A psychologist told me once that he felt that it probably did a great job treating the anxiety, hence the reason why I felt that way. The psychiatrist told me that Abilify may cancel out the effectiveness of the ADD meds though if I get back on it again. Plus, he mentioned the weight gain side effect possibility. (Yeah…I remember the doctor who put me on Abilify cringing when she mentioned the obvious weight gain after I started taking it.) I can’t have constant episodes like this though. If I need it again, I need it.
A neighbor and I were chatting yesterday about the crap going on in my family and said something that made me cringe. She mentioned that I really had a lot of highs and lows. I jokingly said back that yeah, I need some good medication for that. No response from her. 😦 A former boyfriend once mentioned that my moods were hard to handle. (Honestly though, I can now see that if I were honest with him, I probably wouldn’t have acted the way I did. That’s my opinion, at least.) Pattern?
I do have one positive thing to report though about how I quelched at least some anxiety yesterday at work. I’ve noticed that I ask more questions on the ADD meds, which is good. I noticed that an article I wrote was in the briefs section, so I sent an email to the editor while she was at lunch saying that I noticed that a snippet of the article I wrote is in the briefs section of the daily paper. Does this mean it’s not going to run? Oh no, she said. It will run in the weekly paper, but she felt that it would be good to include something in the daily paper as well. Ohhhh. Problem solved. Anxiety quelled. Potential depression averted. (I know that probably sounded weird to ask her, but I honestly didn’t know. I would have probably had worse anxiety yesterday had I not asked.)
So, reality is being faced in the fight against anxiety. I do believe it’s anxiety and not bipolar disorder. I think….. I may need medication for that also, and that’s fine. I’ll try exercise first though and see if that helps. If not, I’ll have to accept the facts and get the medication.
And that’s okay. If it helps the anxiety to leave, that’s okay.